I had no idea my neck looked like that. Interesting.
Can I make the neck look different? What if I stretch it out a bit?
Nope. That just looks haughty.
Okay, make some goofy faces to loosen up. You can just delete them later.
WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY HANDS?
omg Are my hands disproportionately small?
Does the disproportionately small size of my hands indicate that my ENTIRE BODY is too large? That the weight I have accepted as ideal for my bone structure is actually much larger than ideal?
Dude, what? Why do you think about bone structure so much?
It’s the default comfort for tall girls. Don’t take that way from me.
Okay, fine. Smile at the camera. DO NOT LEER AT THE CAMERA.
CRAZY EYES. Delete.
Though, it’s not much worse than all the others. Bring back that crazy eye photo.
Maybe when I see “crazy eyes,” other people see “totally normal person who is alluringly passionate about life.”
Why is my face doing that weird thing? THAT IS NOT WHAT MY FACE LOOKS LIKE.
It happened again. Okay. Maybe this is my face. This is my face. It’s a great face. PEOPLE LIKE ME, WILLINGLY SPEND TIME LOOKING AT ME, AND DON’T MAKE COMMENTS ABOUT HOW WEIRD MY FACE IS SO MAYBE IT’S NOT WEIRD.
Some have even called me beautiful. I tend to interpret this as a not-just-skin-deep kind of beauty that expresses itself in the experience more than the image of me. Which is a preferable form of beauty.
Can this experiential beauty be captured in a photo? Let’s try.
Too sultry. DELETE.
Pretty-not-sexy. Pretty-not-sexy. Relax your shoulders. Lengthen your neck. Try not to be too intense in the eye. Smile.
Oh shit I started moving after the countdown but before the shutter so now this is blurry, but…I think…everything that’s not blurry is PERFECT.
Just do the same thing again. Just be perfect on command.
Ummm…I look like I’m farting in this photo. I didn’t even know I had a Passing Gas Face.
Look at the camera. Don’t look at the camera. Don’t look at the camera but look at a very specific area to the left of the camera.
Oh, no, that’s too far. You look distracted, not bemused.
Hrm. Too close. You just look like you’re incapable of making eye contact.
Smile? Not smile?
Resting Grimace Face is not the look I was going for.
How about an open-mouth smile.
Try a fake laugh?
Okay, this is PERFECT, facially. POST IT.
Wait. No. WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY HANDS? HOW IS THAT EVEN HUMAN?