November thoughts

I’ve had the urge to post on this blog more often, so I’m just running with it.

There might be a new (and short-lived) series hitting your screens/faces in the near future. (Hint: it includes more mirror self-portraits, because I am never not thinking about my wardrobe.)

I LOVE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME! Some people think it’s awful, but I kiss the air and dance for joy and generally talk about it every day during the weeks before and after because WAKING UP WITH THE SUN IS MY FAVORITE!  Yes, walking home from work in the dark is rough, but I find it breaks my day into two clear-cut segments – it’s already dark when I’m home, so the setting sun doesn’t confuse my hunger or sleepiness. I just turn on my Happy Lamp (that’s really what it’s called) and work on projects.

Since I’ve never once had a desire to write a whole dedicated post about my double vision, I’ll sneak it in here – yes, I still have double vision. I know. I KNOW THAT IS CRAZY. It’s been over two years now. Bringing it up is like opening a whole can of worms, but I’ve made peace with some of those worms in the past year. I’m not okay with how awful the medical industry is, and how I’m expected to be my own champion through this whole ordeal, and somehow it’s my job, as the layman, with a highly personal and conceptual idea of the problem, to help these highly-educated and logical professionals understand this journey WHEN I ALREADY SENT THEM A CHART WITH PAGES AND PAGES EXPLAINING THE PROCESS IN MEDICAL LANGUAGE.

Now that I think about it, this explains why one of them said, “I feel like the process of getting a diagnosis is more stressful than the actual double-vision,” because IT IS. I can make peace with a medical anomaly (which is what I meant to talk about here), but I didn’t expect to need medication to help manage the anxiety I now get every time I have to see a doctor. The system is broken. I’m experiencing that. My heart aches for people who don’t have the option to say, “This doctor thing is too stressful. I’m going to just focus on living my life instead of searching for an answer.”

But, obviously, I want an answer. I want to have normal vision again. I am haunted by the thought that someone out there knows how to fix this. I want to find them, and I wish it wasn’t so difficult.

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3 thoughts on “November thoughts

  1. I want to punch your double vision in the face. But have not figured out a way to do this without punching YOUR face. So, I refrain. Sigh. But I’m watching you, double vision, I’m watching you.

  2. I cannot fathom navigating the medical system without resources. Honestly. How would one do this without things like a working phone line, ability to understand even a fraction of the medical jargon (or communicate when they don’t understand), and an incredible tenacity to keep coming back for more??? Truly a broken system that we are working in. (And so are the medical professionals).

    Hoping for some answers for you. And that KP gets that opportunity to punch the double vision in the face somehow. Here’s hoping…

  3. KP – <3

    Katherine – Thanks for that reminder that the medical professionals are as frustrated as we are. They're not the enemy, and it's not going to help if I view them as such.

    If only there WAS a sneaky bad guy dressed in black, slinking around in dark corners, that we could punch and chase out of town and then live happily ever after…cartoons gave me such unrealistic expectations for life!

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