I’m sure there are deep thoughts somewhere in my head – actually, I know there are many, but most of them are still stewing – but I can’t deny that most days I have a solid handful of superficial concerns.
Like the fact that I’m wearing a mustard yellow t-shirt today. I decided a few weeks ago that I wanted to incorporate more yellow into my wardrobe. A few days ago, when I went outlet shopping, “something yellow” was on my list. Today, I’m wearing a mustard v-neck over a blue and white stripe shirt, wondering what my mother will think of this color. Will she say it washes me out? Will she say I look great? Will she scrunch up her face in that way that says, “I know you’re excited about this, and I don’t want to burst your bubble…but I’m about to burst your bubble, and even though you’ll passionately object, we both know that in a few months you’ll agree with me.”
I’ll have to wait until Thanksgiving to know her opinion. One comforting thing about my mother is that I know she’ll be honest.
Yeah yeah. I said I’d talk about my hair. You’re on the edge of your seat. I’m so sure.
Basically, I love my hair this year. Since I decided, firstly, to grow it out again, and secondly, to become a Curly Girl, my hair is amazing. Amazing! And yet, I haven’t quite embraced that This Is MY Hair, so I stare at it and play with it and think about it as if I’m obsessing over Someone Else’s Beautiful Hair.
I guess this could be turned into an analogy for many other things in my life – I have a hard time believing I have it so good. I don’t deserve it. At all. The past few years have been a study of the depths of my un-deserved-ness. So, while my expectations for my life are decreasing (logically, based on the more realistic view I have of myself) it seems God’s expectations for my life are rocketing – not merely pushing the limits of what I’m already doing, but actually pushing the limits of my imagination. Somehow, I’m hoping for and working toward things that would have been inconceivable to me a year ago.
It’s okay. You can say it again. “Inconceivable!” Heh.
And now we’re in the middle of the debate I keep waging – human logic versus God logic, and the choices I make each day about which to follow.
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.”