Last night, after I put away all of my clean clothes and made my bed with the new mattress pad (all of this is old news if you’ve seen my twitter feed), I snuggled into the sheets and caught up with Frodo and the gang. As they’re wandering through Moria, I get a bit tense, and look away from the book to notice, less than a foot from my head, sitting on the pillow that I place between myself and the wall, A HUGE SPIDER!
And, as always, when faced with a large insect in my very own apartment, all of these thoughts run through my head:
-AAACK! WTF is that thing? Why is it so close to me? Why is it in my apartment?
-How do I get rid of it? Will it jump on me if I try to move? OMG I HOPE IT DOESN’T JUMP! (Bugs that jump = pure terrror.)
-Why do I live alone? These are the moments when I need sympathy!
-Should I kill it? Does it really deserve to die? It wasn’t really causing trouble until just now, and how was it supposed to know the pillow is off-limits? I don’t exactly put up signs for the spiders.
-If I kill it, how gross will that be? Would I want to burn the pillowcase?
-What could I kill it with, anyway? If I get out of bed and find a book or shoe, it could move, and HOW WILL I KNOW it didn’t move between the sheets? WHERE MY TOES BELONG!
-If I calmly, but quickly, grab the pillow and fling it across the room, chances are pretty good that it will not jump on me or crawl on my toes.
-One…two…THREE! AAAAACK! WHERE IS IT?
-Crap, it’s running across the floor back to the bed. Does this mean it’s web is underneath my bed? Is it going to climb right back up to where it was when I found it? DOES IT WANT TO SUCK MY BLOOD!
-How am I going to sleep after this? At least Gandalf is here to protect me.
All of this just flashed through my mind, as I was heading to bed again tonight. Stupid spider. I wish there were some mosquitos in here so that I could appreciate you a little bit. Are you the same spider that was on my desk the other day? VISIBILITY IS NOT APPRECIATED!